Two Years Olds ARE Terrible and Wonderful!

THE POOR, DUMB CAT
Over the past two weeks GreenBean has tried to flood our house twice and torture Ruby every chance she gets. Today Wifey said the terror stepped on Ruby and kept her foot there until the poor, dumb cat bit and clawed her way out. I mean, she was squishing the cat's abdomen such that her foot was on the floor! She gets punished consistently for hurting the kitty but it doesn't seem to phase her at all. When the opportunity arises to grasp the cat by which ever body part is most convenient GreenBean does so even when Mommy or Daddy are watching her, advising her not touch the cat. The tail is usually the "limb" of choice and she is usually able to carry the poor, dumb cat some distance suspended by her tail.

THERE WAS NO RAINBOW AFTER THAT FLOOD
This is a word of advice to all parents of infants and those who may someday have a two year old. Tell your two year old that it is naughty to dump water on the floor. That way, when and if they try to flood your house they can justly receive the punishment that you will want to dispense.

• Last week my beautiful, kind, patient, wife happened upon our precious GreenBean scooping water out of the toilet with her kiddy toilet bowl and dumping it into her kiddy potty. Wifey sternly told her that she should never take anything out of the toilet bowl and not to fill her potty with water.
• Later that same day two year old daughter sneaks upstairs to the bathroom while Wifey is downstairs runing the vacuum.
• Two year old daughter commences scooping water out of the toilet bowl and dumping it into her potty.
• Kiddy potty begins to overflow onto the bathroom floor.
• Exhausting the water supply in the toilet bowl, two year old daughter turns on the sink water and continues pouring water onto the bathroom floor.
• Bathroom overflows into hallway.
• Two year old takes off all of her clothes and diaper.
• Two year old daughter, prompted by an evil spirit, begins carrying water into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom.
• She pours water onto the carpeted floor.
• She moves the phone off the night stand and pours water over the night stand.
• She (Daddy's head is twitching uncontrollably now) dumps water onto Daddy's side of the bed which he doesn't discover until crawling into bed later that night. Can you say, Brrrrr?
• Wifey returns upstairs (imagine a well heated pressure cooker) and finds our precious two year old daughter standing over her pile clothes about pour another container of water over them.
• Wifey sits daughter down on the floor.
• Two year old daughter pees on the floor where Mommy sat her.

[the remaining details have censored because we realize there might be children reading this]

I have offered the very unqualified opinion that GreenBean has one of three conditions:

1. My two year old daughter has a mental disorder or cranial chemical imbalance such as ADD or ADHD.
2. GreenBean is possessed by an evil spirit.
3. She enjoys being punished.

My Mom and others have offered the well qualified opinion that she is just being a two year old. To that I say, "ARGHHHH!" Well, Grammy got a chance to spend most of a day with GreenBean two days ago. What do you think, Grammy, isn't she a sweet, cute, little volcano?