Forgetful Hubby, Gracious Wifey

Tuesday

7:20am I am told that unless I hear otherwise Wifey would proceed to her dental appointment with our three kids in tow. This is now SOP and has worked quite well for the passed two years. I meet Wifey with kids in tow at the dentist between 5:00 - 5:15pm. The dentist is only 5 minutes from my work; ~35 from home.

In the midst of packing my lunch, eating breakfast, warming up my car and getting to work 15 minutes late after a normal 40 minute drive, I forget what Wifey said about her appointment. I failed to make myself any reminders of any kind. Barring a phone call from Wifey, you know where I would be heading at 5pm Tuesday evening, right?

4:15pm Wifey has managed to get supper in the oven, floss her teeth and and get three kids into the minivan.

5:05pm Wifey, with three kids in tow, arrives at the dentist. Hubby is nowhere to be seen. Wifey decides to wait five minutes with three kids in the dentist' waiting room before proceeding back for her cleaning.

5:10pm Wifey describes the cleaning of her teeth like this, "Screamer sat on my lap. Spinner was sitting/kneeling/standing on a step stool. Baby Brother was in his car seat carrier. All three of them sat quietly for 30 minutes. It was the calmest I've seen our kids for that long all at once. Spinner just sat and watched contentedly."

5:15pm After working a few minutes late, I grab my lunch box, coat and coffee mug and head to my car to go home. I'm feeling slightly in a hurry knowing Wifey appreciates me being home to help occupy the kids while she finishes getting supper on the table.

5:55pm I arrive home to a driveway missing a minivan. My first thoughts are not that I have just made one of the most despicable husbandly blunders in the history of our marriage. No, I am wondering which kid was injured that Wifey had to throw all three kids into the van and speed off to the nearest emergency room. She left the diaper bag in the closet. There was no note and no voice message. Our cell phone is in my pocket. Yep, no missed calls. That is a sure sign that she left in an unplanned hurry; one of our kids must be close to death!

Meanwhile, back at the dentist' office Wifey is due for an x-ray. The kids are handed off to the receptionist who is a dear, kind, old lady with good intentions. I was told the other hygienists pitched in, too, but by this time Spinner and Screamer were getting hungry and becoming hard to control.

After worrying for few minutes, gathering evidence of what could have possibly happened to my family, I notice something written on the calendar. "OH NOOOOO! You dumb, moron! You forgot to go to the dentist. Wait... she's been there for almost an hour now; WITH THREE KIDS getting her teeth cleaned."

(this is a feeling that I do not enjoy experiencing but I feel finds me more often than seems fair.)

~6:00pm I call the dentist' office. Wifey is there with our three kids. "Whewwww! They're OK!" The receptionist hands Wifey the phone.
"Hello," says Wifey.
"Ummm..."
"You're at home aren't you?"
"Yes. What should I do?"
"I'm almost done here. I'll see you.... Screamer, stop that. NO, COME HERE! I gotta go."
(click)

My emotions begin get released as I realize that I am a big jerk and WHY DIDN'T SHE CALL ME WHEN I WAS LATE?

Oh man, the girls have to be going crazy. They haven't eaten in five hours. Screamer probably has a severe diaper rash from poop that's been composting on her bottom for 45 minutes. Spinner is probably being chased around the dentist' office by the receptionist or throwing a high-decibel tantrum on the floor. Oh man, this is probably the most terrible, awful, embarrassing dentist visit ever! I better get my sleeping bag out because I'm gonna be sleeping in the basement.

OK. They should be home by 6:45pm. I will get the table set. Before that, though, I call the dentist back. To my near disbelieving ears, I am told by the good-intentioned receptionist that my kids were very good; no trouble at all. I ask her to do me a favor. "If my wife ever arrives there again with a van load of kids and I am not there, please call me right away. Here's my cell number..."

6:45pm Hungry family arrives home in pleasant moods. No one is crying. Huh? Wifey looks at me without her "I just killed you with my eyes" look. Huh? We sit down for supper. The girls get their baths and go to bed. I sleep in my bed next to my beautiful, gracious wife.

I realize that a miracle has just occurred.